you know, THAT girl

The one who just can't say No. That's me.

Not about stuff like begging for sweets in the supermarket, or wanting one more cupcake, or Happy Feet for the brazillionth time that week - oh no, I'm cold as ice on that stuff, doling out No's with a firm, decided (and sometimes even smug) tone. Holding my resolve in the face of tears and entreaties and sticky-outy bottom lips.

But it's the requests to play which I struggle with. Being begged to read one more book, getting unwittingly cast as the mother/baby/monster/etc in one of the endless imaginary games, being asked to review the anatomical legitimacy of a play-dough snake.
Often it's just my presence that's required.
'Please Mum can you sit with me?' (while she happily builds a puzzle alone)
'Gnh Gnh GNH!!!' (as I try to sidle out the playroom)

I feel a huge amount of guilt turning these requests down. I feel like denying them the presence and attention of their mother is a big parenting fail.
I tell myself this is because my primary role is as stay-at-home-mum to them, my main job as it were is to be their companion, their playmate, to just ... hang out and be there.
But this is the same reason I often resent them for it.

I am here for them so much of the time. Shouldn't I be like that TV that's always on, you know, the one which theoretically is eventually completely ignored? I envy that TV.
Bet that TV doesn't feel bad about feeling resentful that it's always on.

I know kids have to 'learn' to play by themselves, to create their own entertainment. My girls don't have any problems with that, they just want me to be part of the games they create.
I should feel flattered right?

So why do I feel guilty saying no? And then exasperated when I don't? And then guilty for feeling exasperated?

Oh riiiiight, because I'm a p-a-r-e-n-t. It all goes with the territory.
Joy.