But then I thought hey, busloads of international tourists have borne witness to her propensity for having a poo at Kirstenbosch, so why shouldn't I blag about it on the internets?
I can name only 2 other outdoor locales in which she's turned to me with that look of immediate intention in her eye, but Kirstenbosch Gardens? I am not exaggerating (and I'll confess to being prone, but not this time) when I say at least 10 times, maybe even closer to 15, Kirstenbosch has been the place where nature has called her to heed its (particularly inconvenient and messy) bidding.
I'm not going to get into details (you'll thank me for that), but I'll tell you just enough to paint the picture of WHAT A FARKING HERO MOTHER I am.
I have dealt with 'kirstenturds' with a sleeping baby attached to my front, and with a wide awake and screaming baby strapped to my back. I have held plastic bags in strategic positions, rearranged ground cover to conceal the evidence, broken 'do not enter flower bed' rules all over the show.
I have fended off tourists with zoom lens, angry wasps, inquisitive guinea-fowl (many, many times), all while placating a troubled little defecater.
I have utilised streams, flora, recycled wax-proof (it is) paper all in the name of personal hygiene.
I have fashioned replacement garments from scarfs and beanies.
I have stoically borne the hilarity, sympathy and disbelief of many of my friends.
And I have always, because of the great respect I hold for the place and my stellar upbringing as a conservationist, always carried out all non bio-degradable fallout (often in my BAG) to be disposed of in a responsible manner (i.e. the first public bin I come to upon existing the gates).
In all fairness I should say that most of these incidents took place in the early toilet trained days, when a small girl cannot reasonably be expected to keep a handle on all bodily functions.
In fact, it was just the other day that I remarked to a friend that we'd not had a 'kirstenturd' for a long time.
So, obviously, ka-zam! this afternoon I walked out of there with 2 plastic bags of poo and a full nappy (thanks Sunday, thanks a lot).
Say. No. More.
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| Dude, surely not ...? |
On the same day the Kirstenturds were happening my 2 year old decided to take four separate poos in the potty over a 20 minute period. That means 4 x cleaning out of the potty, cleaning of the bum, washing my hands and washing her hands. Exhaustingly ground hog.
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