What do we do with this rape-related outrage we're all carrying? What do I do with it?
I have no sons so I can't promise to raise them to respect women, women's rights, hell - people's rights. The men in my life, my husband, brothers, father, friends, brothers-in-law are all normal, sensitive, kind, decent men.
I have no men to 'educate' as it were.
I have daughters.
What do I do with this impotent rage? Teach my daughters to defend themselves? To never wear short skirts or frequent dark corners or stay out late or be alone with a man, any man, for fear they'll be victims.
How far do you think I'll get with that?
Do I hope and trust that other parents of boys, fathers especially, will teach their sons not to hurt my daughters?
It all feels so passive.
I feel this surge through the country, we all do, but what do we DO? What can each and every one of us DO?
Today, after reading and listening for days, I posted the link to Rape Crisis on Facebook. All I could think to do at the end of this horrific week was to make a donation, to urge others to do so.
I hope I can persuade you to do so too.
Rape Crisis, to make a donation go here.
Raise awareness. Scream. Incite discussion. Yell. Confront silence and passivity. Search for likeminded people.
ReplyDeleteYour rage is not impotent if it serves to enrage others also, because rape is always something that there has to be rage about. Without the feeling of rage we are left with something that should never be in the first place, without the proper response to it.
Without rage and outrage someone, somewhere might think its just something that happens or only happens to other people, about sex and not about violence, somehow the victim's fault, or the worst of all, okay.
We could all take lessons from you in how to do this! I think I'm feeling lost in that I'm surrounded by people who know all this, who are as outraged as I am. I don't need to search for like minded people, they're all around me and they share my rage. It felt like everyone I was reading on facebook and twitter this week were preaching to the choir.
DeleteWe MUST stay angry and we MUST support those who work to incite real change. And we must keep talking about it.
Tell us more about those decent men in your life. That will teach your girls what decent means. Perhaps it will also teach your readers to raise good men.
ReplyDeleteYou're so right about the men in the family teaching the girls what to expect from men in general. But I almost feel uncomfortable classifying them as 'decent men' because what it means in this context is simply that they're men who don't rape - and that there should even be a distinction is, in itself, terrifying right?
DeleteI share your outRAGE and strongly feel that it starts at the very beginning, in amongst families and people who guide children - Children who are cared for, loved, have their basic needs seen to and taught to care for others will be able to empathise with others throughout their lives and so are less likely to hurt others and torture another human in this way. Let's start at the very beginning...
ReplyDelete...sadly the reality is that with levels of poverty and crime so very many children see unspeakably violent things as a norm in their lives...and so the cycle continues. If we all influence the people we spend time with to love and care, maybe it'll catch on.
The most pertinent idea I have heard so far was to work with religious leaders to actively change religious texts and practice that advocate that women must submit to men. I have a feeling that besides from spending time working with boys to be better men, changing the bible, the Koran and other religious texts may help.
ReplyDeleteAn effective Cape Town based organisation working with boys and men is Sonke Gender Justice Network: www.genderjustice.org.za/impact/about-us/impact
We have a serious problem in a world where being a feminist is seen as a bad thing, and where patriarchies are getting further entrenched rather than dismantled. It is daunting to be up against a system where the degradation of women is so entrenched - not only in formal structures like religions, but in the flippant violence against women in all forms of popular culture. It is also easy to try and blame a particular class or culture for perpetuating these things, but that guy who pinned me down when I was 13 (luckily I got away at the last minute) was a middle class white rugby jock. We must be wary of only linking this crisis to poverty.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the link to Rape Crisis. I think supporting an organisation that is already working hard is a good idea. The next is mass action. Not little gimmicky flash mobs. Mass collective unwavering action.