rocking the daisies

For once, I have no words.

It was bigger, and muddier, and louder, and fuller, and younger, and colder than I'd expected. But, as expected, it was a complete jol.
Best friends, free Jack Daniels, no kids, total freedom and a radical change of scenery.

Good for the soul.

big girl talk

I really don't know how people with lots of kids (like, more than two) do it. Trying to find time for them all when one, or some, of them are more demanding of that time than others.

Since she could crawl Sunday's been ace at picking up that Friday and I are about to have a meaningful conversation, and scooting over to insert herself between us and have AN EVEN MORE MEANINGFUL ONE ABOUT ABSOLUTELY NOTHING AND MUCH MUCH LOUDER.

One does always seem to have more one-on-one time with the youngest as it is. She's home with me at least one morning a week, not yet going off on play dates by herself, and still much more physically clingy.
And it's great, it's lovely to have the time to spend with her.

But my big girl needs me too.

A year ago Friday found a tampon in my bag and asked me what it was. I was quite pleased with myself for replying that it was 'very hygienically sealed cotton wool' - an honest answer which neatly evaded any discussions about bleeding from the vejayjay or inserting foreign bodies there, both concepts I felt needn't be introduced to a barely 5 year old.
But today she found some again, and this time she asked, 'What are these really Mum?'.
So this time I told her.
In between Sunday prattling on about a hundred unrelated things and trying to climb on my back and get Friday to teach her the words to a song about a scarecrow.
This is not how I'd envisaged having these woman-to-woman type conversations with my daughters.
Plus, I'm bargaining on only having to go through this stuff once, so I need Friday to have grasped the concept well enough to pass it on to her younger sister (if and when she ever stops to listen) with the least possible terrifying misinformation.

Later, it being a TV watching day, she asked for The Lorax, but I persuaded her to watch David Attenborough instead. It's been a while.
So they watched The Great Tide, and when those sardines started running and the thousands of dolphins came a-leaping and the gannets were dive-bombing and the sharks were circling and Sir David himself was almost hysterical with the drama of it all, she turned to me with eyes shining and said, 'I'd forgotten how exciting this is!'

This evening we put the girls to bed separately. Even though they share a room we split them up for bed time and I lay in my bed with Friday and answered some questions about menstruation and sharks and how movies are made and what David Attenborough is probably really like.
I read her a chapter of Laura Ingalls Wilder and then inevitably had to lie with her to ward off panthers as she fell asleep.

And while she dozed off I held her tight (that is until she muttered that she 'couldn't breathe') and thought about how my big girl needs me for many things.
She needs me to have big girl talks but she also needs to me to remind her that she still loves David Attenborough when the call of loud and colourful Hollywood is becoming so much louder, to sing silly scarecrow songs together, to acquaint her with the literary friends who saw me through adolescence and I hope will be there for her too.

And you know what, I need her. I need to have big girl talks and sing silly songs and be reminded that nature is awesome and boys are gross and lipstick is only really cool when it's on so thick you can't grin. I need to find more one-on-one time for all that.

big girls and small girls

Raising girls is challenging!

(You know what else is challenging? Not having reliable internet for over a MONTH. But I'm trying to get over that, and proceed as if nothing happened. Which it did, for a MONTH. Thanks a lot Telkom.)

Anyhoo. Girls. Challenging.

Yesterday evening for example. I accidentally smashed an empty peanut butter jar all over the floor, and it took me 3 times longer to clear it up due to the inordinate amount of distracting glitter twinkling and shining all over the place.
Girls.

But I loved this article I just read off Facebook today. The forgotten years of girlhood. 10 to 14 the author reckons. Years in which girls should be sorting out some of the fundamentals of their personalities, while probably being at their most easily distractable ever.

It was the line about 'learning to be women' which really struck me. As the author says, there are so many inappropriate ways for girls to learn about womanhood - glossies, most TV programmes, their peers who by definition will be floundering just like them - that it's really important to consciously introduce more balanced influences.
Enter the Aunties.

My womanhood was, is, so strongly influenced by my mother, her friends, and a life time's observation of the the relationships and dynamics between them. These aunties - strong, creative, funny, intelligent, sometimes vulnerable women - taught me so much.

Which is why I was so happy when, after my birthday tea in May, an afternoon with some of my closest girlfriends, Friday declared that 'I love your friends Mum. I wish they were my friends too.' And even happier when I could say, 'But they are sweetie, I think they'd all call themselves your friend', and she beamed with delight.

I love my friends. I'm so grateful to them for all the ways they've supported and spoiled and saved me over the years. And now I'm grateful to them for something else. For being strong, creative, funny, intelligent, sometimes vulnerable women in my daughter's lives too.

Chicks rule!

in my shoes

Take kids to school. Dash to Checkers for some necessary groceries. Deliberate through aisles, make snap decisions, ring through checkout, reach into bag ... no wallet.

Abandon purchases. Drive home cursing. Find wallet. Rue the time lost and the lack of milk for that desperately needed second cup of tea.

Turn on computer. No internet. Inquiry reveals Telkom has suspended account due to missed payment. More cursing.

Embark on 45 minute forensic investigation of the last 6 months bills and payments with morose internet-less husband.

Did I mention husband is home with manflu?

Weep.

Do mountains of laundry.

Dash to pharmacy. Inadvertently bust virile looking young man buying Impotex. Am reminded that some have it worse off than me.

Realise not enough time remains to buy necessary groceries so proceed to collect small girl from school first.

Return to Checkers. Put child in trolley. Push trolley over unforeseen bump, child flies forward and splits lip on trolley. Screaming.

Cursing.

Child calms but refuses to be cleaned up. Proceed through shop with blood-smeared sobbing child.

Collect big girl. Return home.

To find this waiting.

And so, between that frustrating morning, and before an afternoon walk which continued in the same vein. A walk which included being rained on and dog getting small branch wedged in her throat (more cursing, sotto vocce this time).

Before that walk there was this ...

And inside, this ...

Thank you Converse for never failing to make me happy. Thank you Marimekko for collaborating with happy-making Converse. Thank you Heather for cluing me onto these in the first place. And thank you Citymob for a speedy and excellently-timed delivery.

Life can kick me in the head with these anytime.

*crickets*

Some friends were asking me today why I've been so quiet on the blog ... dead blog air, is there anything more deafening?
I know when blogs I read fall silent I always wonder what's going on in their lives. I hope they're just too busy hanging out and being glamourous, and not ailing or unhappy.

My silence hasn't been for any of these reasons, good or bad. My silence has been due to the sheer exhaustion, frustration, and at times despondence, of full time parenting a particularly demanding and forceful little girl. And who wants to read about that, I replied to my friends this morning?

I can't come here exhausted, after a day of toddler dramatics, and muster any enthusiasm for parenting insights, or happy crafts. I've often so little humour left that I can't even crack a smile post bed time, my stores of creativity depleted, my words all used up, the sound of my own voice grating in my head.

And no one's interested in that right?

This thing about 'mommy blogging' (urgh), is that we walk a fine line between making it all sound too perfect, and using the space to moan and complain. I'm equally irritated by bloggers who do either. I don't like to bad mouth my kids on the internets, but I'm as horrified to hear that anyone reading this blog may think I make it all sound too easy, that our lives look too fun and squeaky clean.

Life has, for a lot of the time in the last few weeks, not been much fun at all. Life has in fact been pretty tough. What I learned from my friends today is that I should be writing about that here too. And what I've learned just from writing this post is that writing, as usual, always makes me feel better.

Today was Sunday's 3rd birthday party. It was the hardest kiddies party I've ever organised, not because of its scale or logistical intricacies, but because I found it really hard to muster the good feeling and energy to celebrate this small girl right now.
After a day of battles and tears, demands and tantrums, it was extremely difficult to brainstorm the ultimate dinosaur cake, or think of ways to make her day extra special. Once she was in bed I wanted to stop thinking about her entirely for a while, to replenish myself with ME.

But I did it, we did it, and it was lovely. She was an angel - she wore a dress! she only freaked out once! she loved everything! she didn't call me 'Bad Mummy' or slap me!

She was sweet and delightful and appreciative and funny ... she was deliciously 3 and I must, I must remember that this too shall pass and one day (soon) I'll look back and wonder at how the time has flown.

lovely people making lovely things

It's that time of year and as I'm lucky enough to know lots of lovely people who make and do lovely things, I thought I'd share some links here ... you know, for Christmas present purposes.

Blossom Creations ~
Lots of simply gorgeous products for babies and mums, Jan's selection of fabrics is heavenly.

I have one of the very lovely cellphone wallets - perfect for your phone, Driver's Licence, debit card and an emergency R20 note when you're just popping to the shop or gym etc.

Make. Believe ~
Beautifully folded origami beauties ... these strings of birds,

... and Wendy's now famous exquisitely balanced and delicate mobiles, as featured in the latest House and Leisure magazine.

Lemon & Lilac ~
Specialising in paint techniques, reinventing old furniture and some gorgeous home decor, Lisa has a shop in Chenoweth St, Durbanville, an exquisite home in Observatory, a talented eye for spotting a treasure and lots and lots of energy!

Little Fire Company ~
Sponsor of my recent giveaway, the Little Fire Company has oodles of goodness for the babies and kidlets in your life, all of which can be purchased online.

Go shopping!

*All photos shamelessly lifted from their respective websites and facebook pages!*

how to make friends and influence people

The 5 year old approach.

1. Scan immediate area for possible candidates. Remain alert at all times.
The beach, playground, open field next to your house - all of these are places which could produce your next BFF. Stay attune to the sounds of young voices at play, or even shrieking at their parents - both are signs of possible compatibility.

2. Approach with subtlety, and zero fear of rejection. There are various methods.
Start mimicking the existing game, whether it be jumping over waves and screeching, or quietly collecting daisy petals. Continue until your presence is noticed.
Another tactic is to engage the subject's younger/older sibling in a game. But never lose sight of the real prize,  no matter how fun the game at hand, keep an eye on your chosen candidate, you're winning when they start looking sour.

3. Swoop in.
'Come help me get the ball away from your brother.'
WINNER. I could not be prouder of her subtle and devious tactics.
'Here's an interesting shell, would you like it for your collection?'
Another goodie.
'Whaaaa, I just farted and fell over in the water!'
Not as impressive, to me, but the target is now putty in her hands - entranced and utterly hooked.

4. Play like you've known each other forever.
Fairy garden fairy garden fairy garden princess dress pirate capture feed ducks shark attack harass younger siblings sand castle fairy garden here comes the bride cast some spells fairy garden dragon fireman fart daisy chain fairy garden.

5. Keep 'em keen.
Ask, after an hour's play, 'What's your name again?'

Come home deeply satisfied with peer encounter and secure in the knowledge that you've cemented your presence in the world just a little bit more.

Ah, that making friends remained this easy. And simple!

summer of SAHM

This past week has been the last 5-day school week of the year for Friday. The last week of 3-day nanny (for Sunday) and cleaner (for me).
This past week has been a week of many, many lasts.

From Monday we will be in our new home, and the girls and I will be driving through to Mowbray just twice a week for a short (so short) school morning until the end of this term.
My Mum, who lives across the lake from us now (or will soon - so soon!), will be abroad for a month from Wednesday.

From the end of September there is no formal childcare, no school, just ... me. And them.

Logistically and financially this makes sense for our family right now. Emotionally and mentally it's started making sense to me too.

Next year Friday will start Grade R (we've found a school!) and Sunday will attend nursery 5 days a week. I will work more formally. There will probably need to be aftercare.
We will enter a spell (just 15 years or so) of early mornings and rushing and traffic and deadlines and proper shoes and extra-murals and packed lunches for all.

We have been spoiled these last years, my girls and I. Spoiled to have so much of each other (admittedly sometimes in chunks), spoiled - as a friend so wisely pointed out - to know each other so well.
A small home loan, some sacrifices, a determination to make it work all helped make this possible, but the times they are a-changing and we are all getting older and developing new needs.

I've had moments since these plans were hatched of real, chilling, terror at the thought of being a FULL TIME STAY AT HOME PARENT. I've shed some tears and worried whether we'll all come through it alive (the lake is right there you know) or at least psychologically intact.
But as the reality of this move has set in (36 hours to go!) and the truth of our new space has been revealed (it's every kind of wonderful). I've started to make peace.

This will be my maternity leave - a few years on from the traditional definition - but a time to put the rest of the world on hold a little and just be with my babies. Nurture them, grow them, play with them, not kill them.

This will be my summer of SAHM and I will, I must appreciate the privilege and wonder of that.

Will you help remind me of that when I come here to whinge?

tell me about it

A friend emailed me this is column by Carolyn Hax of the Washington Post. I'm not sure how old it is (I'm guessing pretty old 'cos it's an actual scanned article instead of a URL link ha ha), but I think it's worth sharing.

I like this not for the message to the curious friend, but because it's one of the most succinct and realistic descriptions I've come across as to what the parent/s of young children do all day (whether it's 7 or 2 days a week).
Hax manages to tick off the physical, emotional and mental To Do list in just under two columns, with every word perfectly chosen and totally spot-on.

And now I have a choice ... do I weigh in on the issue of child-free friends? Do I confront the fact that this description of parenting sounds vaguely hellish and spend time listing all the reasons why its not (well, not all the time)? Do I take pains to point out all the amazing things listed here that parents get to do? Do I archly remind any smug child-less readers that their parents did all this for them?

Nah. It's Friday and I couldn't be arsed to get all deep and controversial. Maybe next week ...

Have a good weekend everybody!

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Not bad for a not-quite-3-month-old blog hey? Hey? They grow up so fast these days ...

Anyhoo - this competition is naturally open to all existing readers too (SA only though I'm afraid!). To enter follow the instructions above (if you're already signed up just send me a mail confirming you'd like to be included in the draw), go here to learn more about this amazing prize, and here's the Terms & Conditions in readable print.

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I'll be at the Yummy Mummy Maternity stand at The Baby Expo on Friday and Saturday so come over and say hi!

mama daze

This is a cheat post. I'm just so busy sorting out toys you know?

3 of my favourite international (all American in this case) 'mommy bloggers' recently posted about those days. Have a read and I've no doubt you'll know exactly what they mean.

SouleMama - a rare candid glimpse from a mama who usually exudes nothing but peace.

Amalah - loving the mayhem.

Boatbaby - breathing deeply and taking it slow.

Enjoy!

let chaos reign

I remember a close girlfriend of mine telling me, when her boys were both much smaller, how she intentionally made plans to get them out the house most afternoons to prevent them trashing the place with their boisterous and scattered play.
I remember thinking she was possibly over-reacting a little.

I take it all back!

Now that Sunday's up and walking, creating play for herself, distributing and disseminating toys and household items with alarming efficiency, now that Friday sees her as a viable playmate, comrade and accomplice, now that both of them are into climbing (could this be the first thing Sunday's taught her big sister how to do?), dolls, dress-up, building, destructing, sand, water, chalk ... LIFE.
Now there is no peace.

And increasingly I find if I want to stay home and get anything done, I need to just let the chaos reign, and resign myself to the massive clean-up operation afterwards.

ok, there was supposed to be a video here but it's not.

kinda defeats the purpose of the post but I'm moving on.

hope you can too.

It's kinda fun though, in the moment.

Have a happy weekend!